The 2026 United Bowl delivered packed stands, a record-long Beer Snake that slithered like Kaa around Audi Field, and a game that wasn't decided until the final minutes. Mike Repole and the league couldn't request much more from the fickle football gods.
Thrice time was the charm for a close United Bowl. The inaugural edition in 2024 featured a dull 25-0 Stallions romp over the offensively-challenged Brahmas and the incredibly, risk-averse Chase Grabers. Last year's edition featured 92 points but the Defenders held solid control in a 58-34 firefight.
The 3 p.m. ABC timeslot slide in perfectly before the night's NBA finals. The competing World Cup game was a C-Lister affair between Qatar and Switzerland. Hopefully, the report featured, at least, 1.5 million viewers. The game trended on X. Spring football continues its positive upward momentum.
The city of Louisville clearly embraced its winner. The bridge lit up in a Halloween-green and social media buzzed about the win. Chris Redman, the hometown boy, delivered the goods after retooling the roster from a 0-3 start. With a couple of changes on the offensive lines and the cutting of Benny Snell, the Kings went from barely running better than a one-legged mule to dashing for long touchdowns.
The only blemish stemmed from the horrendous quarterback play. Jason Bean and Chandler Rogers combined for 40 yards at halftime. 50 Cent had more yardage in his name than the two QBs. EJ Perry replaced the injured Bean (spoiler alert!) and threw for 50 yards. Rogers finished with an anemic 81 yards and two interceptions. A casual's stereotype for spring football is dismal quarterbacking. The 2026 United Bowl didn't shake that impression. But it did feature a Defender chugging a beer after a touchdown. That beats Dak Prescott any day.
DC 20, Louisville 27
In a strange quirk, DC was technically the away team, but the raucous Audi Field crowd left no doubt that the stands were not a two-party affair. (A little capital humor for my readers). DC dominated early and should have led by more except running back Xazavian Valladay fumbled while heading for the end zone. Still, a Matt McCrane field goal provided a 3-0 lead after the first quarter.
DC's butterfingers returned in the second quarter. Ty Scott fumbled and Eric Garror returned the sphere 12 yards for the opening touchdown. Valladay redeemed himself for his earlier fumble with a 51-yard touchdown. McCrane added two field goals in the final two minutes and DC led 16-7 at halftime. With Louisville's offense looking more tragic than a nerd's prom plans, DC fans were right to feel confident.
Louisville tried the field goal game in the third quarter with future NFL kicker Tanner Brown knocking home two attempts. In between the scores, Bean suffered an injury.
That opened the door for Louisville to make its move. The Kings undertook a drive and opened the fourth quarter with Ian Wheeler's 44-yard touchdown run. DC tried to strike back on the next drive and Perry delivered a long strike to Cornell Powell. Unfortunately, he was called for offensive pass interference. The drive ended with a Perry interception. Louisville was set up at DC's 25 and the Kings scored again for the 27-16 lead.
DC, unlike at Bladensburg in 1814, refused to give up and McCrane kicked a 60-yard field goal for four points. Louisville's next drive went down as one of the most cautious attempts in recorded history and the Kings punted. Perry drove the Defenders down to the Louisville six-yard-line. Facing a 4th and 5, he had a wide-open receiver but the interior pressure forced an errant throw. The Kings took over with 1:52 remaining and drained the clock for the win.
Three years and three different UFL champions. Parity, thy mine is spring football.
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