The United Bowl on June 13 was announced for Audi Field - home of the Beer Snake and rapidly declining attendance. Ratings have held steady for Friday Night Football on FOX and ABC's high noon showdown of Dallas-DC drew over a million. If fans aren't attending in person, they certainly sit on the couch. Here's to more attendance arguments on r/UFL! Bring your own popcorn. The marketing budget can't afford it. Still, there is reason to be optimistic. The play is good and the weather is nice.
St. Louis 16, Louisville 3
The Battlehawks won the Battle of Cities Named after French Kings aka the Derby Classic. Unlike the Kentucky Derby, which was genuinely exciting, and shoutout to Repole's horse Renegade (God has a great sense of scripting) for finishing second, this game featured every negative stereotype of spring football: dismal offense, inefficient play, and a general slog. Fortunately, the game was on FS1, so only masochists and Nick Wright's mother watched it.
Harrison Frost did not play particularly poor: 242 yds, 2 TDs and 1 INT are decent numbers, but like Thanos and unfair reviews for Skydance Animation, Luis Perez's starting was inevitable. The teams traded field goals, Louisville actually led 3-0, before St. Louis worked its way to a 16-3 victory. The Battlehawks moved to 4-2. The Kings' running game totaled 12 yards on 13 carries. It is more pathetic than the Jets drafting.
Houston 17, Columbus 24
Friday Night Football on FOX is the only constant timeslot for the UFL and the league has acknowledged its existence by trying to pump the new franchises or using the time to showcase Birmingham/St. Louis. The strategy is a solid one. Columbus obligated with a workmanlike win over a Houston team, dedicated to playing the hokey pokey with progress.
The teams traded touchdowns in the first quarter in a shocking example of competence. Columbus added two more end zone scores before halftime while Houston only responded with a field goal. The Aviators' offense disappeared in the second half. The pilots could only find a field goal (apologies to Amelia Earhart). The Gamblers tallied a touchdown but they kept losing quarterbacks and decided instead of trying a recovering-from-injury emergency quarterback to send out a wide receiver. A comedic interception ended the game. Only in spring and COVID-19 impacted NFL football.
Dallas 6, DC 24
Remember when Dallas was 3-0 and Austin Reed was the unanimous MVP candidate? That was twins ago for the erstwhile quarterback. Remember when this author suggested Dallas should have kept a capable backup in Luis Perez? Good times, good times. The Renegades fought the Kaw and won but the Defenders pulled a Vienna on Dallas.
This was another game where the winning team emptied its chamber in the first half and coasted to the second half win. Jordan Ta'amu tossed three first half touchdowns as DC led 24-0 at halftime. The Renegades scored a shutout-avoiding Reed touchdown pass but the two-point conversion failed.
Right now, DC, riding the continuity train of head coach, quarterback, talent, and Beer Snake, are the league favorites to hoist the trophy. Only injuries and, perhaps, a phoenix Perez could halt their chances at repeating. As for Dallas, highlights from Week 1-3 are available on YouTube.
Birmingham 20, Orlando 17
Anthony Becht dropped his second straight revenge game. First, he fell to the Battlehawks and now AJ McCarron gained his revenge, avenging the dreadful shutout loss. Trading DTR cost Orlando, as the quarterback has looked confidence and mobile. Matt Corral stans are finally vanquished.
Birmingham, like Columbus and DC, started fast but regressed in the second half. Taking advantage of Orlando's self-inflicted errors, the Stallions galloped to a 14-0 lead. The Storm responded with two scores and the teams were tied at halftime.
The promising shootout never materialized. Birmingham corrected its woeful kicking game with two field goals. Orlando replied with a field goal. The game's controversial moment arrived with 3:18 left when facing a 4th and short near midfield, Becht, holding three timeouts, elected to punt. The decision backfired. Birmingham played aggressively and converted the necessary three first downs.
Becht's thought process had some sound basis. He had three timeouts, the two-minute warning, and Birmingham's offense was largely stale in the second half. Unfortunately for him, the Storm defense faltered and his miscalculation took the heat off the two muffled snaps that cost, at least, six points for Orlando. Becht probably should have gone for it. Possession is paramount. But hey, make the stop and you look like a genius. The perils of coaching.
Power Rankings
1. DC - The defending champions reinforce each week why they are the best team. Audience continues to fall at Audi Field. Maybe it needs a ballroom?
2. St. Louis - The Battlehawks have the defense. Now, they need a more consistent offense. Can Perez deliver upon that promise? DC hopes not.
3. Orlando - The Storm hold place at third because no one else wants to move up and because frankly they beat themselves. Two muffled snaps are easy to cleanup.
4. Birmingham - This ranking is solely based on the idea that DTR is that big of a game-changer. Dallas clearly doesn't want it. Columbus feels shaky. Houston: LOL. Louisville has no running game.
5. Louisville - The Kings' defense is solid. Running the ball must be deemed illegal in Louisville. Dang blue laws.
6. Dallas - If they can regain their Week 1-3 magic, look out. Right now, they are freefalling.
7. Columbus - The Aviators are flying amidst a muddled mess of 2-4 teams. Todd Haley is the face (and belly) of the team.
8. Houston - The Gamblers have Orlando at home this Sunday on FS1. So only 150k will see their shame.
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